I was an outcast at school. When I was in Form 1, everyone despised me. It started being like that when my then bestfriend who was also my toughest competition academically went around telling bad stuffs about me. I didn't know exactly what she told them and still don't, but it was bad enough to turn everyone against me, except this one girl who later became my friend. But we sat quite far from each other, so things were still not easy for me. Everytime a group of girls whispered things to each other, I would feel that they were talking about me. When a group of boys were laughing so hardly, I would feel that they were laughing at me. Maybe I was too paranoid, but I'm pretty sure that at least some of it were about me. So yes, I was one of those people who you cool kids at school labelled as the "Loser".
Come the next year, things got worst. A group of boys decided to not attend class one day and someone reported it to our class teacher. Being a typical bad situation that it was, people needed someone to blame it on. So of course, I was chosen. Everyone assumed that I was the guilty one, tough I swore that I was not. These few boys found out about it. It was so unlucky of me that they were also the 'coolest' gang at school. They started to spread the words to the others, and soon enough, everyone in my batch started hating me. Everything I did would get a synchronised 'boo' by the entire batch, or at least a loud laugh. Even the girls chimed in with the boys, especially those self-proclaimed hot bitches. It was sort of cool to hate me at that time. It was so painful that sometimes I secretly prayed that something bad would happen to them.
It went on until my final year of school. I became so immune to it that after a while, the pain has became just annoyance. Besides I was transferred to a different class with better classmates, so most of the time I managed to lay low and avoid them. Also, some of the mean boys and girls were expelled for bad results. School was becoming more bearable day by day. But when sunny days happen too long, the evil dark cloud will come again suddenly pouring the rain washing away all the happiness the sunshine brings. One day, I agreed to do a performance at school for teacher's day. While I wanted to do something that I love, I was also giving the enemies a reason to laugh at me again. They laughed at me during my performance. I was embarrassed in front of the entire school. The teasing did not stop there. Every chance that they get will be filled with dirty words and teases being thrown at me. Sadly, when a heavy rain came and poured too long, it brought along with it a disaster to the earth. The torture was hardly bearable anymore for me. I decided that I've had enough of all those bullshit and went to the disciplinary teacher, who was also my teacher that has taught me for three years whom I was close with. I told him the whole story, not noticing that tears started streaming down my face. I guess five years of torture had built up the tears, but their warm presence managed to surprise me nonetheless.
So you see, I am never the one who like to be in the 'cool' crowds. I despise and hate them, eventhough they're from different gang and do not do anything to me. I secretly wish that one day all of the mean girls would get bad husbands and become fat and poor all at the same time. Even when someone from that cool crowd does something nice to me, I am always prejudiced. I feel that beneath their good 'act', they have something that they want from me. They're plotting something against me, the Loser, and this is one of the ways they're doing it. I was holding grudge on them, and considering what some of them have done to me all those years, I know I was not wrong to feel so.
Now, when I'm here studying overseas doing all fine and good, suddenly all these exhighschool cool kids start to come back into my life hoping that I will accept them as my friends. I suddenly realised something.
I have won.
