A writing about writing.

It has been too long since I've written something worth reading. I'm not saying that I've ever been a good writer before, God no, I've always been awful when it comes to writing. But at least then I used to have something to talk about, issues to discuss and topics to throw my two cents in. Nowadays, every time I feel like I need to write about something, my mind goes blank.

What is there to write about? How do you elaborate things? What words to use? What if I become redundant? How are my thoughts different from others? You are not creative, Far. So what about you stop trying and just suck in the awesomeness that is other people's writing?

You see, I have this big fear of sounding stupid in front of people. Haha yeah, funny that that comes from someone who is loud and is always saying something that doesn't require much of use of 'ze brain' to utter. But that is when everyone is also being silly and sound stupid. Maybe I a bit more, but still, excusable. I've always shouted very loudly about my opinions. There's no stopping this high-powered voice from sounding when it is generated by the high spirited excitement of the 'so-called' opinionated mind. So when I am not able to write something worthy, it just resounds my stupidity to double the frequency.

So I gave up.

I have a few drafts sitting here in my blogspot account, but those are of either self pity or my stupid observation that has probably been voiced out by thousands of many. What level of vanity does one have to write only of those eh?

This weakness in writing, this lack of inspiration makes me feel worthless. I even consider it as a disability of mine, at least one of many. It is something that I would like to overcome, but sadly, it is just not in me. Writing is not my forte. I get jealous very easily with people who can write very concisely, very beautifully and very articulate, arranging thought by thought very systematically. It is a gift that I wish I have.

It is sad, really, as I do think that writing is the best way to pour your hearts out. There are many things that can't be said out loud. They are meant to be written and read, and kept in the readers' heart and mind. There are some messages that, if uttered, will mean differently then intended. The beauty of a love letter, for example, lies in the sacredness of it, the way we read it in our mind while listening it being uttered by the writer. Often, if the words are said out loud, they will make us cringe of the overly-romantic emotion it brings. But let's admit it: a love letter that is read discreetly, no matter how cheesy it is, will affect the one the letter meant for, so differently. It overwhelms you in the most beautiful way.

So yes, that is how powerful a writing is, and I have not even touched or mentioned about influential writings that are able to change the world. It kills me that I am not able to do it well, seeing how big of a change it can bring to a person, no matter how obsolete and temporary it is. Maybe I'm not observant enough to be able to produce words out of things I see, or maybe it is the fact that my vocabulary is very limited. Maybe, and most probably, it is the combination of both.

I'm just hoping that as time goes, as I read more and more of what the internet has to offer, and as I have more practices (though not much) writing in this humble blog of mine, I will acquire maybe a bit of the skill and cause a wave of emotion to an empty soul or trigger a thinking mind to ponder.